Five More Important Ways To Build Trust In Your Marriage
Let Them Know Your Needs
Loudly. Self-centered, but not selfish. For instance maybe she sees him growing more remote so she starts doing everything in her power to win him back.
How does she go about it? By trying to meet all of his needs. Past and present. The thinking is inevitably he will reciprocate. That’s a form of manipulation and a path to losing trust altogether.
Start with your eyes focused on YOU. What do you need? Explore your personal need system. Dig beneath the surface.
She should say to him, “I would like us to work out a way so my needs are met. Are you open to that?” He is empowered to say yes or no. Or, he may say, “What about my needs?” Her response should be along the lines of, “I am very interested in hearing what is important to you, certainly.”
Have you ever been around someone who stated clearly what they needed/wanted? Didn’t you respect that person? Because you knew where they stood and where you stood. Didn’t that interaction move toward a trusting relationship?
Let Them Know Who You Are
This is another loudly. It is very sad to see those in relationships of emotional investment hold back from letting the other person know who they really are.
You build trust in a relationship by entrusting your self to the other person. Most of us have a difficult time declaring our self.
For one thing, if you’re like most of us, you haven’t given much thought to what it is that makes you truly you. Don’t you feel like you glide through life on autopilot, focusing on tasks, goals, accomplishments, problems and the external realities?
You’re concerned about what he or she is thinking. If they like you enough to continue the marriage.
Your conversations may be pleasant but fairly superficial and to put it bluntly, frightfully inane. You are reluctant to share your thoughts, values, and impressions or take a stand on anything. This doesn’t necessarily destroy trust. But it doesn’t create it either.
Take some time to reflect on your standards. What standards do you hold for yourself and this marriage? Then begin letting significant people in your life know but particularly your significant other. They will respect you and get to know you more deeply while being very thankful for the opportunity to do so.
Find The Treasures
Marriage is arguably the greatest emotional investment two people can make. Given life being the way it is that means you can get hurt.
But don’t let that stop you. Be fearless as you move toward the unknown. Dig into the soil of your marriage and find the treasures. Believe they are there. By doing this you will connect more with your true self which will trusting your significant that much more easier.
Your Quiet Center
Most of us are afraid of strong feelings or points of contention in a marriage. The response varies from defending yourself from what you perceive as an attack (and possibly it is) or shutting down in some form or another.
Instead of reacting and having your feelings going all over the place or shutting down entirely, communicate calmness, not only in your tone of voice but also in how your body language.
Say what you must say directly and calmly. It will dramatically change the flow of the relationship. You will be able to point out something major without making a big deal out of it. You will be in control of you and that’s a great feeling.
You will experience your personal power which makes a person very attractive. Your spouse will love the fact that they can trust you consistently to operate from your quiet center and speak the truth with conviction and calmness.
Learn To Say No
Maybe the loudest of them all.
Sometimes you need to say NO! Saying no protects you from being hurt by something destructive to your heart and soul.
You cannot and will not tolerate anything that makes you less than you. Build an iron fortress complete with moat around the core of your life.
You do this by telling your significant other what they are doing. You request they stop. If they don’t stop, you demand they stop. If they don’t stop you walk away without a snide remark, eye-roll or comment.
Saying no sends a message that you are someone worthy of their trust and respect.