Bea’s dad left them when she was 16 years old to be with a younger woman. This shattered her idea that men can be trusted. Growing up, she’s been with several men. She noticed there seems to be a pattern. These men would be nice at first, and then for some odd reason, she starts to notice several bad things about them.
This leads to a sudden feeling of resentment and disgust towards the guy. She would feel trapped. She’d be angry at the thought that she’s gotten herself into this relationship and the guy isn’t even all that great. She would lash out at the guy. Then she would leave him.
Did she really like those men? Yes, possibly. Surely there was something interesting to have sparked the chemistry in the first place.
Was she happy? Yes, she must have experienced some joy in the relationship, even if it may only have been in the first part.
So what went wrong? Why couldn’t she be happy in the long run? Why does she always find things to not like about the guys? Could it really be them or is it something about her?
Freudian theory would suggest that Bea has “daddy issues”. Her ability to connect and trust men has been impeded by her inability to confront and resolve her internal pain when her dad left.
It looks like Freud might have a point.
Looking at this example, Bea cannot sustain being happy because her heart has been consumed by other negative emotions — such as pain, or anger. These emotions in turn affect how she relates to other people, be it the opposite sex or not.
Sometimes it’s easier to hold other people responsible for making us feel the things we feel. While it is true that we cannot control our feelings, we can however choose our emotions. We then back this up with more positive actions.
Forgiving others is a positive act. It is the ultimate act of letting go. You let go of what was done to you or what happened. It’s already in the past. It no longer exists in the present, so you can choose to let go of it.
Forgiveness allows you to unload hate, resentment, shame, guilt, and other negative emotions and proceed with more positive emotions, such as love, gratitude, acceptance, trust and abundance.
Forgiving others is also an act towards lasting happiness. We may not be aware of it, but a lot of our discontent is rooted from our inability to forgive.
We might feel unhappy with ourselves because we cannot forgive ourselves for our shortcomings. We might feel angry at our loved ones because we cannot forgive them for their faults.
The list goes on and on. Once you forgive yourself and other people, you choose to let go of all that negativity to make space for more positive things. This constant choice to keep choosing to be positive is the key to being happy. Forgiveness is the secret weapon that allows you to make that choice.